LEAVE ME ALONE

whenever I want to be alone my mom always fuckin annoys but its more of my older sister when shes home or anything I hate being around her and talking to her because she's so annoying it feels like I'm walking on eggshells around her and its way to much and its so fuckin annoying. Whenever she comes home from work she lets her birds out, I do wanna say I like animals and would never intentionally hurt them or anything but I fucken hate my older sisters birds they are so annoying, though I know its more on my older sister than the innocent birds they are FFUUCCCKKKINNNGGG ANNNOOOYYYIIINGGG. Whenever I'm trying to relax or anything I hear them fucking chirping they are literally chirping right now. Our rooms are only separated by a single wall and our rooms are close together, whenever shes walking to her room and I'm in mine I get super anxious and it sucks, its kind of like I just stop what I'm doing and my stomach hurts because I'm scared she'll come to my room and bother and annoy me. she judges everything and acts like I need to hear her opinion she's a self-centered obnoxious needs to be the center of attention quirky bitch. There are countless times she's been an inconsiderate asshole to me. I have this thing where I pick the lips on my skin I don't mean to its kind of uncontrollable and It sucks and one time she was like "OmG u SerIoUSLy Pick UyUR lIpssss" I was like. Made me feel like serious shit because I was so embarrassed and I felt gross, btw it is a symptom of my OCD and she knows I have it along with depression and anxiety although my family likes to pretend I never got diagnosed or anything in the first place. Another time was when I confided in her that I was suicidal, stupid I know. A day after she went into my room and I asked her to leave as nicely as I could and she called me a mental patient and I cried a lot pathetic I know but I told her that I'm sensitive when I'm called that because my mom would call me that and my dad when I would wake up late and when I was taking my meds especially my mom. It makes me feel like I'm not part of a family and it makes me feel alone and terrible it reminds me of everything I have been through. I confronted her the next day and she said she didn't call me that and I have voices in my head and I'm going crazy, so she tried to convince me I was insane. I believed it for a week till I confronted her again and she admitted to it. She took it as a joke and said it was only 1 time so what?? she also made me do sexual things with her when we were both kids, things I did not want to do. A part of that has led me to be addicted to masturbating and it's so hard to admit as a woman because I feel so gross and disgusting I hate it so much but when I'm doing it I forget about everything else and it feels good. I don't even get that sense of guilt anymore after I just feel indifferent. This has led to problems where I'm bleeding from my area when I'm not on my period and I'm sure I have cut myself down there a lot, I also have problems with my period I got it when I was 9 and have had it for 5 years I havent had it in 8 months, and I have big skips like that a lot my period is very messy when I get it and when I dont. I also always have terrible cramps whenever I do get it which sucks. ANyways, I do hope that she dies in a way but more like she was never born so my parents and siblings arent sad or anything. I dread being around her and I hate her so much truly. She's 17 and I'm still a minor I can't do anything about it I told me my abt what she did to me and my mom kinda laughed it off and we never talk about. I just hate everything and everything sucks.

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Fluffy Siblings January 06, 2022 at 10:20 pm 0 0