FEELING REALLY LOW

U know that moment of realization when u actually did fuck up and its no one else's fault and that maybe YOU ARE the problem for why things have been going the way they are and the worst part is u need to figure out how to solve all these by urself cuz u made all those that actually cared about u to leave so now there's no one to comfort or hold onto you during your panic attacks -no one to talk to for that emotional connection.
The fact that nothing is going well right now in terms of studies, friends, family and when I try to work on one of the problems at a time one of the others come up and I just get so exhausted, and when I get exhausted and need someone to talk to there's just no one so I just cry myself to sleep feeling breathless. fuck I hate feeling this pathetic. I started a new semester in school thinking I don't need any friends and that I'm an independent woman but hell, it is exhausting being this lonely. The worst part is I know I'm not hated by any of my classmates its just my social anxiety and my trait of being a big fat introvert is not letting me show people how fun I can be in reality.
I know everyone says self love and all that crap but sometimes being alone gets rly depressing, don't get me wrong I love being alone and having my own peace and quiet time but having a few consistent Friends would be great too u know? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SO awkward. OH yea in case I forgot my studies havn't been going that great either and family support? HUh whats that if anything, going to my family just makes everything 10x worse.

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anonymous Friends December 05, 2020 at 12:26 am 1 0