CHEATING ASSH LE DAD

Recently, my parents have been arguing a lot. I always figured it was mostly about money, but it turns out that's only a small part of the issue.
Last night at probably 10:30, I was hanging out in my room before bed. I heard my dad come home. Soon, my parents were yelling downstairs. I guess they thought I was sleeping. I really didn't want to listen to them argue, to I covered my ears and tried to ignore them. The arguing was getting louder, and eventually I could hear it clearly even though I was all the way upstairs.
Suddenly, I heard a smash. I jumped out of bed and ran to my door, terrified. I thought Dad had hurt Mom. My dad had never been abusive before, but there's a first time for everything. I opened my bedroom door quickly and quietly, and I was relieved to find that Mom was uninjured, although she sounded really mad. So what was that noise, then?
I know I should have just gone to bed. I know I should have put my hands back over my ears. I know I should have kept pretending everything was okay. Mom was safe, and that's all that mattered. They deserved their privacy.
Despite all of this, I decided to listen. I told myself I'd just do it for a few minutes to find out what was going on. I was completely unaware of what a bad idea that was. If I had known what I would hear, and how much it would hurt me, I would have laid right back down.
I sat on the floor in my bedroom doorway, careful not to make a sound. It started off with my mom complaining about how my dad didn't spend enough time with her, my little brothers and I. They argued about that a lot.
"You're always at work or on your phone!"
I found out what the slam was. Dad had lost his temper and tried to rip the TV off the wall. Then she mentioned him f*cking other women. W-what? Did she actually just say that? She must be being sarcastic. Dad would never do that.
Mom said it again. NO. And again. THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING. She mentioned his girlfriend. GIRLFRIEND?!
I froze. Then I trembled. Tears slid down my cheeks. Was I dreaming? I had to be dreaming. This was just a nightmare. I would wake up, and then it would be over. Wake up, I told myself. WAKE UP!!!
I had known my dad for 14 years, or at least I thought I had . The dad I knew was honest. The dad I knew loved my mom. The dad I knew would never do such a thing. The dad I knew was a good person.
I couldn't keep listening to this, but I couldn't walk away. It sickened me. It revolted me. It disgusted me. It broke me. But it was reality, my new reality, and I had to face it.
I picked up bits and pieces of the story as my mom continued to shout. My dad had been cheating for two years, TWO YEARS, with a twenty year old girl from his work. Twenty years old. My dad is forty. He spoke to her on the phone at night, calling her THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE, in conversations that my mom could HEAR. Many of Dad's co-workers knew about the affair, and had for a while. My mom, meanwhile, found out TWO MONTHS AGO, when my dad got this stupid b*tch PREGNANT. She got an abortion because she didn't want kids YET. She eventually did want to start a family with MY DAD. WITH MOM'S HUSBAND.
"I kept your f*cking baby!" Mom yelled.
Me. She was talking about me. I was born before my parents were married. The way she said that, it made me feel like they didn't want me. Like they had considered aborting me. Like I was a mistake. Like they had only gotten married because of me. An unwanted mistake.
Dad had been hiding money from Mom. He had lied, claiming to spend money on new tattoos, when it actually went to his stupid f*cking girlfriend!!!!! F*CK HIS F*CKING GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!! He had videotaped her during previous arguments, trying to say that she was drunk in the videos, accusing her of being an alcoholic, telling people she always smelled like alcohol. THAT FILTHY LIAR!!! My mom has not drank a single drop of alcohol in years!
As I listened, my tears dried, and my shock and sorrow were replaced by bitterness and rage. I HATED HIM. For the first time ever, I hated someone I actually knew in real life. My own father. NO!!!!! He was NOT my father anymore. The thought of knowing someone like this, of loving someone like this, of sharing a house and a last name with someone like this, was sickening.
He had made my mom SO UPSET. She cried almost daily. She stopped eating. SHE LOST THIRTY POUNDS!!!!!!!!! I had assumed she was just stressed, and that the arguments, which they both took part in, we're causing her to struggle so much. But now, learning that she was broken because of something that was entirely my dad's fault, I was REVOLTED.
He made me doubt the basic goodness of humanity. Are there really any truly good people, or do they all just look that way? My dad used to be a hero, but now was time for me to grow up and admit that there's no such thing as heroes, only villains in disguise. If my dad didn't really love my mom, would l ever find someone who really loved me? If someone so good turned out to be an illusion, were there any real good partners? It makes me want to never date anyone for the rest of my life.
The worst part is that my dad was silent nearly the entire time. Mom went on for nearly two hours, and he only spoke up in the last twenty minutes, when my mom called his stupid girlfriend Morgan a coworker.
" That was when I met her, " Dad corrected. "She works somewhere different now."
He didn't apologize. He didn't acknowledge. He didn't confirm or deny or explain. All he cared about was making sure Mom knew where that ugly b*tch Morgan lived.
After that, they argued a bit, since Dad was back to speaking again. I went to lay down but left my door open so I could hear how much longer they argued for. Soon, Mom came upstairs. I quickly closed my door, not wanting her to know that I'd been listening.
I lay there in shock, still trying to process everything. I was sad, but I couldn't cry. I was angry, but I couldn't scream. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep. I was frozen and numb.
This morning, I didn't hug my dad. I didn't even speak to him. My parents told my younger brothers, ages 4, 8, and 11, and I that they were getting divorced. They didn't really explain why, just that it was happening. The 4 year old had no idea what that meant. The 8 year old cried right then. The 11 year old cried later. I ate my cereal with a completely straight face. I already knew, after all.
I still can't believe that this even happened. It feels like I'm watching some dramatic, tragic romance movie. I hate it.

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anonymous Parents January 28, 2022 at 2:15 pm 0 0