crying atm

~Apollo
TW: S3lf h4rm mentions, s3w3rsl!d3 thoughts, semi s3xu@l words, r4p3 mentions


















I recently broke up with my girlfriend because of how mentally abusive and manipulative she was. After I did this, suddenly i started remembering everything she did that i didnt realize at the time was really bad, and then realizing how bad it was. She had forced me to do s3xu@l things with her both in person and in video call, and even at one point in the car while my mother was there showing us videos on facebook and such. I have been r4ped before, but for some reason i didnt realize thats what she was doing. Other things she did was copy everything i do, which i thought was normal because yk, we're a couple and couples copy each other sometimes (i think), and so i thought it was normal. She started copying how she took photos (showed her one time where i put my bangs in front of my eyes so i could look 'edgy' or something, i really liked my hair like that back then, and then after that she just started putting her hair in her face in her photos). She copied how i would talk in messages, like she is a very dry texter (especially when we first met) and then when we started dating, I noticed that she copied how i talked, for example, if i was offended at something or didnt like something, or sometimes felt embarrased abt, I would type "I-" or "I dont like that-" (adding a - is all), and she never did that, and then suddenly she started doing that. And another thing she did was my 'cutesy message tone' if i felt very lovey that day. the copying the way i text isnt that bad, but i dont really like it all that much. Moving on to different things she would copy, she even went as far as copying my s3lf h4rm and even my trauma stories. For the s3lf h4rm, she never did it on her thighs or on her wrist, only ever on her upper arm, then when we started dating and she heard abt my s3lf h4rm, she started cutt!ng there too. as for the trauma stories, its plain and simple, she just copied my stories but changed the people.
Moving on from copying, she would spread rumours around about her ex's. She would say they all r4p3d her and forced her to send photos (shes transgender by the way). I hate saying r4p3 stories arent true, i really do, but from a person who did get r4p3d multiple times, and even by her, her story sounds like absolute BS. So for some context, her ex is FREAKING 13 YEARS OLD, and SHE IS 17. That is 4 years apart, i get it, not huge difference, but at this time, these ages are not ok to be dating and even having s3xu@l !nt3rc0urs3 with. Her ex ended up breaking up with her (im assuming because she did r4p3 her ex at one point and also mentally abused her just like she did to me), she tried to -off- herself and she ended up in the mental hospital. Because her ex is so young, the police decided to check some things, and it turns out that she had videos of her ex suck!ng her -parts- and videos of her having s3xu@l !nt3rc0urs3 with her ex (while they were together obviously). If you think abt it, why would somebody record their significant other doing the dirty with them if they were being r4p3d? The things on the video include her saying dirty things to her ex and saying how much she likes whats happening. i feel like absolute crap for saying she was not r4p3d, because i am here for all victims, and will always help the best i can when i know that has happened to somebody.
Moving on again, from that, do any of you know what little space/age regression is? If not, it is a coping skill, where the teen or adult regresses back into the mindset of a child so that they can have some peace. (Look it up) Little space is not s3xu@l whatsoever, there are people who try to make it that way, which makes me very upset, but i cannot control them. Anyways so she was my caregiver, my 'momma'. A couple months in our relationship she says "I think im a little". Which is fine of course, but because of my trauma, i was not very ready to become a caretaker again (i have been caretaker in the past for some of my friends). I still became caretaker though, or else she would screamed at me saying that its not fair because she was being caretaker for a month and that i shouldnt be greedy abt it. Anyways after a couple months of this, she decided to make it... s3xu@l. My safe space. So when me or her were in little, she would try to make it s3xu@l. I no longer have a caretaker due to this, and have been extremely drained lately because i havent had time to have time to myself (i have work so that also takes away time). I can barely function. I do not need little space to be happy, let me make that clear, but sometimes it would just be nice to be in it at least once a month if thats even too much to ask ;-; (also because she was suddenly a little, I no longer got little space a lot, I would maybe have it once every 2 months, but she would always end up taking me out by talking s3xu@l.
thats the end of that, but i still have to deal with her manipulation because i am too scared to just say no more, i am still stuck being friends. I don't need rumours spread abt me. I dont know what to do anymore, and im honestly kind of done with life

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Apollo Relationships August 22, 2022 at 12:59 am 1 5