am i okay probably not

hi i am sweg, am i okay??? probably not. i try to be happy tho, its hard but i try, i cant afford to see the pain on my families faces as they watch me give up on life. honestly it hard having to wear a fake smile, but making sure everyone else is happy is all that matters. i dont see the point in being happy when all im going to do is fuck up and hurt someone. there really is nothing much for me to hold onto and it fucking sucks. it fucking hurts so much. im always putting others before myself. im always giving up stuff just to see someone else smile. but out of all the people i do that for, at least 5 treat me the same. I DEPEND ON ONLINE FRIENDS NOW. I PLACED MY LIFE INTO THE HANDS OF PEOPLE WHO WONT BE ABLE TO SAVE ME BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW WHERE I LIVE, AND IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH. IT HURTS KNOWING THAT WHEN I GIVE UP NO ONE WOULD BE THERE TO SAVE ME. IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS. THE STRESS, THE FRUSTRASTION, THE CONSTANT NAGGING. IT ALL CLOUDS UP MY HEAD AND MAKES ME SAY SHIT THAT I SOMETIMES HAVE NO CONTROLL OVER AND I HURT PEOPLE. AND IN THE PROCESS OF DOING SO I BREAK EVEN MORE. I WANT TO CRY BUT I COULD NEVER, CUZ WHEN I WANT TO PEOPLE ARE AROUND. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING DISSAPEAR, I WANT TO ESCAPE IT ALL.

AM I OKAY!?!?!? FUCK NO, BUT WHO CARES??? WHO CARES IF I GO??? ITS NOT LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO CAN SAVE ME WOULD BE THERE ON TIME TO STOP ME.

it hurts so much guys. and i dont know if i can hold on for much longer

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sweg Miscellaneous January 27, 2022 at 12:42 pm 1 0