People are going to get bored of me

I'm genuinely so dull.
I can't hold a conversation at all.
I can sometimes, and when it flows, it flows. But it's only with certain people, and even then I sometimes can't think of anything to say at all. How do people even talk for so long about a subject? Or manage to make such perfectly timed quips.
At my age, people know a lot about a certain topic that is usually quite niche and interesting to talk about, while I don't know anything about anything.
Genuinely.
I wish I was interested in something like a movie franchise, or F1, or big matches.
But I rarely have something to add about a movie, and I haven't concentrated on anything long enough to have gained some little-known knowledge.
What is the point in me speaking when I have nothing to add?
My biggest fear is that someone will meet me, talk with me, and conversation will flow for the first few days. Then after that, you're just together, trying to think of something to say, or worse, they don't care to try anymore.
I have the memory of my friend's face when he turned to me 'cause I said something, only to realise that I was just checking which way we went.
His face, which was initially one that seemed to be expecting a humourous remark, just dropped.
And after that when he turned when I was talking, it seemed like he didn't really expect me to say anything of value.
I wish I had someone who felt comfortable sitting in silence with me, and they felt they could just share off-hand remarks without the expectation of a long, in-depth conversation.

This has been way too rambly, but essentially, I hate myself. I hate how I act, I hate how I present myself to others, I hate how I change in front of others, I hate how I feel that everyone likes me initially, then learns about me, and is disgusted.
If someone knew how I felt about others, I think they'd be disgusted too.

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Sabina Relationships September 16, 2022 at 7:31 pm 0 2